


Suffer the Silence

by 8bitcyborg



Series: Lovewatch Birthday Fics Collection [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Aftermath, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Near Death Experiences, mentions of amputation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 07:36:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13497574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8bitcyborg/pseuds/8bitcyborg
Summary: «I’m drawn to you like a moth to a flame.Jesse almost dies on a Blackwatch mission. Gabriel is there to pick up the pieces in the aftermatch, breaking not only one, but two other hearts in the process.For some, love is a cruel mistress.»





	Suffer the Silence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angededesespoir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angededesespoir/gifts).



> Happy birthday angededesespoir!
> 
> I hope you have a great day and that you'll enjoy your gift! :D

“I don’t- I don’t understand, Jack. Why would he do something like that? _Why?_ ” Gabriel’s voice is desperate, his hands shaky as he rubs them against his face and tired eyes. His nerves are frazzled and frayed, his thoughts solely focused on the man he knows is currently splayed on top of Angela’s operating table, severely beaten and missing an arm. He wishes he could be there, But he, along with O’Deorain, had been told in a thick voice by Angela; _‘get. out.’_ , her mouth a stern line, her eyes promising violence if they didn’t obey. It had actually scared him, coming from the usually mild and pacifist doctor.  
O’Deorain had scoffed and rolled her eyes, the bits and pieces he could hear her mumbling as she walked down the hallway speaking only of _hampering the evolution of science_. He was worried, but O’Deorain had to be dealt with later. His mind right now, only had room for worrying about _Jesse_.  
Jesse had almost bled out due to his injuries. He had only survived thanks to the quick thinking on his teams part.  
Jack hands him another mug of tea, courtesy of Ana who is currently occupying herself in the small kitchen adjoined with the Strike Commander’s office. He had asked for coffee. _Jackasses_.

“I don’t know, Gabe.” Jack replies softly. It’s 2 AM and they’re all tired and worn out. “Did you interrogate Shimada yet?”

Gabe laughs bitterly at Jack’s question.

“No. He’s really out of it. Angela says he’s refusing to eat, spitting and hissing at anyone who dares approach him. He’s a fucking piece of work at the moment. He threw several shurikens at Doctor O’Deorain earlier.”

There’s a tiny, almost inaudible snort coming from Jack, but he manages to compose himself before actually breaking out into laughter. Gabriel couldn’t exactly blame him. It had been quite the show. O’Deorain were _so mad_.

“Do you want me to send someone? I’m sure Reinhardt could-”

“No, Jack. He is acting like a pissy little bitch, but remember; he’s probably in severe distress as well.”

Gabriel rubs at his tired eyes again and lifts his mug, grimacing as the tea scorches the tip of his tongue as he tries to take a sip.

“He’s very close to Jesse. He latched onto him more than to anyone else here, not counting Angela. He needs time.”

“Time we technically don’t have, Gabe. I need a report, UN demands a report, I-”

“I _know_ , Jack. I know…” Gabriel tries to sound harsh, but his voice just softens and trails off. He does know. He knows perhaps better than anyone, that Jack needs his report, because the brass won’t just let them do as they please. They’ll never be let off the hook for mistakes and fuck-ups. There aren’t supposed to be any. Jack asks because he cares, and because it is his job, to ensure information about Blackwatch stays out of the public eye.

“Fine.” Jack says, his voice firm but not angry. “I trust you, you know this. If you say he needs to cool off some, then I won’t argue with you. Just know that the news reports has already started trickling in. I’ll probably have to spend all day tomorrow on the phone and in several meetings. Please, don’t let this drag on for too long.”

A hand comes to Gabriel’s shoulder in a comforting gesture, squeezing lightly. Gabriel appreciates it immensely, covering Jack’s hand with his own.

“I won’t. Thanks… Jack.” he replies, squeezing Jack’s hand. He receives a few soft pats on his shoulder before Jack excuses himself to go check up on Ana. Ana had acted calm, but Gabriel knows her, she is shaken by the events too. Jesse isn’t just Gabriel’s prodigy, he’s Ana’s pupil as well. He’s like a big brother to Fareeha. Family.  
He shakes his head, bidding Jack good night before going back to his room. He doesn’t sleep well at all, the frantic screaming through the voice coms playing on repeat in his head.

* * *

“Fractured ribs, light concussion, a sprained ankle, three bullet wounds, two in his left leg, one in his right shoulder-”

Angela’s voice becomes more and more distant in Gabriel’s ears as she ticks of her list of injuries Jesse has sustained. The world blurs around him, the only thing he sees clearly is Jesse laying in the hospital bed, bandages around his head. He’s over there in an instant, his hand on Jesse’s cheek, thumb swiping softly over the agent’s split lip. He swallows.

“Commander Reyes.” Angela says sternly. He retracts his hand.

“Yes, I washed and wiped down my hands with antiseptic before I came in here.” he says, inwardly cursing himself for acting so frivolously in front of Angela. She purses her lips, says nothing. Gabriel can feel her eyes burn with accusations. She politely coughs, looking down at her clipboard again.

“-and of course his _left_ arm, missing from the elbow down.” she finishes. The way she puts pressure on the word _left_ has Gabriel swallowing hard. He hadn’t thought of that. Amidst all the chaos and his own frazzled nerves he had probably blocked out that fact. Angela’s expression is grim. Gabriel grits his teeth.

“I’ll notify Torbjörn. Send me a detailed copy of the examination files for his arm. Draft up a blueprint when you have time.”

“Jesse is left-handed, Gabriel!” Angela says, raising her voice. She never does that with him.

“I know, Angela!” he retaliates, even louder. His mind is buzzing, his hands shaking. He rubs at his face.

“Do I actually need to spoon-feed you this? He is _left-handed_. Meaning; he might _never_ be able to perform as a field agent ever again. You’re his commander, you know this. It’s better if you let him go.”

_‘It’s better if you let him go.’_

Angela’s harsh words makes Gabriel’s stomach roll with nausea. He turns away from her, biting his lip in an effort not to actually cry. Her words makes perfect sense in the logical part of his brain. He wouldn’t have hesitated had there been someone else, anyone else, lying in that hospital bed in front of him.

But it’s _Jesse_.

There’s a part of him that just wants to scream the truth right in Angela’s face. But he can’t do that for a dozen on different reasons. He takes a deep breath, watching the steady rise and fall of Jesse’s chest underneath the covers for a few seconds before he turns around again, steel-faced commander in place.

“Indeed I am his commander, and I want the choice to be his own. This is not up for debate, Doctor Ziegler.” he says, voice cold and steady. For a fraction of a second Angela looks ready to rebel again, but she schools her expression into neutrality. Gabriel doesn’t doubt for a second she is seething inside.

“Of course, _Commander Reyes_.” she replies, all professional and proper. “I’ll send over the files immediately. Expect the blueprint in the morning.” With that she strides past him, not offering him another glance as she starts tending to Jesse again. Gabriel sneaks one last glance at his most treasured agent before leaves the med bay, a thousand thoughts roaring in his head.

* * *

He can barely concentrate the following week after him and Angela’s talk in the med bay. It’s probably for the best that he hasn’t been expected out in the field, only being required to do paperwork and tend to a few shooting practices. Angela’s attitude towards him has been cold, to put it mildly. He understands why she is angry with him. She would probably be even angrier if she knew the actual truth. There are no winners here.

Angela might be angry, but she is still a professional, keeping him updated on Jesse’s status daily. Jesse is in stable condition, all his wounds are healing and his brain is not scrambled from the concussion. He’s been awake a few times, but only very briefly as Angela keeps him sedated for maximum recovery rate. Gabriel visits daily, once in the morning and once in the evening before he goes to bed, inner turmoil still rampant.  
Torbjörn is of course excited at the prospect of branching out on his engineering, waving a wrench around as he throws mechanical lingo around in both English and Swedish.

“Do ya reckon he’d want a grappling hook built into it? Could be useful for getting into higher places! Or maybe a flamethrower? Hidden weapons are always good!”

“Just… a regular but sturdy one for now, Torbjörn.”

“Bah! At least let me build a zippo into it? So he can light those smelly cigars of his with ease. He’d like that.”

Gabriel snorts, but gives Torbjörn a slight nod anyways. The Swede grins happily, and Gabriel wonders when was the last time he was that happy.

* * *

He’s in an afternoon meeting together with Jack when his phone buzzes. He doesn’t usually check his phone in the middle of meetings but the nagging feeling in the back of his head won’t let him be. It’s Angela. Jesse is awake, and won’t be given any more sedatives. Gabriel leaves the meeting with a hasty excuse thrown on the table, barely registering Jack’s confused and indignated look. He sends him a brief text to clear his conscience just a little bit.

Angela meets him by the door, a stack of papers in her arms. This time she actually offers him a small smile. She’s probably relieved as well.

“He’s awake, a bit groggy but that will wear off. He has eaten. I need to deliver some papers to O’Deorain’s lab so I’ll be gone for a little while.” she says, casting a glance over her shoulder. “I probably don’t need to say this-” she starts.  
“But please do not push him about the mission or anything of the sorts tonight.” Her eyes have gone stern again and Gabriel gives her a short nod.

“I won’t.” he promises. “Thanks… Angela.”

She smiles softly and pats his shoulder before she’s off. Gabriel takes a deep breath, his nerves buzzing again and his hands shaking slightly.  
The room is dimly lit. It smells clean, and faintly of Angela’s home made porridge. The curtains are drawn back, but the sun has just began setting, casting the med bay in a soft orange glow. Gabriel’s breath stops in his throat when he sees Jesse. He’s watching the sunset from his bed, a sad look on his face, right hand balled into a fist on top of the covers. Gabriel’s heart bleeds for him.

“Jesse.” he says, his voice suddenly rough. He coughs to clear his throat. Jesse’s shoulders goes rigid for a second before he turns to look at Gabriel. There’s so many different emotions swimming in his eyes.

“Commander…” he whispers as Gabriel approaches him, sitting down on the chair beside his bed.

“How are you feeling?” Gabriel asks softly, taking Jesse’s hand in his. Jesse loosens his fist to intertwine his fingers with Gabriel’s, making his heart soar.

“Like shit.” he replies with a sad chuckle. Eyes sweeping to his left as he lifts what remains of his left arm. Gabriel knows what Jesse lets be unspoken.

“I’m not going to abandon you, Jesse. I know what you’re thinking. We’ll get through this. I’ve already spoken to Torbjörn, I-”

“I don’t know if I should, _jefe_.”

There’s a stone dropping heavily in Gabriel’s stomach hearing Jesse’s words. He holds Jesse’s hand tighter, trying to make eye contact.

“Why is that?” he can hear himself asking softly. Jesse swallows, still not looking at him.

“The mission, I- It’s just a mess, you ordered us to- I can’t- Genji-”

“Sssh, don’t. You don’t need to tell me everything right now. Save it for later.” Gabriel says softly, stroking Jesse’s arm in comforting motions.

“I ain’t worth yer time, Commander Reyes.” Jesse whispers. “I wasn’t able t’keep my cool. Ain’t got use for a fella like that in yer super secret ops.”

Had it been any of his other agents spewing this kind of shit Gabriel would have been mad. He’s incapable of being mad at Jesse. He’s just sad. He can’t stop himself as he gets on his feet and wraps Jesse in a hug, mindful of his bruises and injuries.

“You’re gonna get through this you hear me? You cheated death, _again_. You _did_ save the mission. To say it in a language you may perhaps understand; you are playing an amazing deck of cards, Jesse McCree. Stop doubting yourself so much. There’s a reason I _chose you_.”

“Gabe…”

It’s almost criminal how good it feels hearing Jesse call him _‘Gabe’_ in that sweet and desperate voice. The rational part of Gabriel’s brain tries to remind him how inappropriate this all is, but there’s no way Gabriel is going to listen to it. He’s in too deep. Jesse’s young (22), he’s Gabriel’s subordinate (why the fuck should anyone care what legal and consenting adults do together), and he’s suffering from deep trauma due to his past (well then 90% of humanity shouldn’t be allowed to form relations then).  
Gabriel walks around the bed to get on Jesse’s left side. He can see the tightening of his jaw and the way he averts his eyes. Jesse’s arm is fully bandaged. Gabriel catches himself in morbidly thinking how it’s far better that it was chopped clean off rather than it having been unevenly ripped off.

“At least you got rid of that disaster of a tattoo for free.” Gabriel comments, immediately cursing himself. _Too soon, too soon_. Jesse’s eyes go watery, and Gabe wants to kick himself in the nuts. Then Jesse _laughs_.  
The sound is a bit raspy and he coughs several times, but he _laughs_. Gabriel’s heart gives off an extra thump.

“That’s… brutal, _jefe_. But it’s true, haha!”

Jesse sniffles and wipes his eyes with his hand, letting Gabriel have a small smile for the very first time since he arrived. Gabriel leans in and puts his hands on Jesse’s shoulders, trying his best to give him a warm and consoling smile.

“I’ve instructed Torbjörn and Angela in making a prosthetic for you. State of the art tech and materials. I won’t let you off so easily. You’re stuck with me still, Jesse.”

“Thanks…” Jesse says softly, eyes flickering over his left shoulder, mouth forming a somber smile. Gabriel is honestly relieved. Jesse’s gonna be fine, he’s sure of it.  
Gabriel isn’t at all prepared for the absolutely _smoldering_ look Jesse gives him when their eyes meet again. Rich, coffee-coloured eyes, framed by equally tantalizing cocoa brown curls. Jesse’s hand grabs the front of his hoodie, pulling him closer. _‘Not close enough.’_ They’re at a stand-still. Jesse’s eyes are searching for something. Gabriel sucks in a breath but doesn’t otherwise move. His eyes goes to Jesse’s mouth, lips so sinfully tempting. He shouldn’t, he really _shouldn’t_.

Jesse makes the choice for him.

Jesse’s hand slides to the back of Gabriel’s head, stroking the fuzz there before pulling him forward and slotting their mouths together. He tastes faintly of sugar and cinnamon. _‘Angela’s porridge’_. Jesse pulls back a bit, a shaky breath from between his lips.

“Gabe…” he whispers, and Gabriel is lost. He cups the man’s face in his hands, resuming their kiss. Jesse’s hand slides further up to rake his fingers through Gabriel’s curly mohawk. Gabriel can’t help the soft, shaky groan that escapes his lips. He’s dreamed of this more times than he can count. Apparently so has Jesse.  
There’s a flicker of something red and black moving rapidly in the corner of Gabriel’s eye, but when he tilts his head slightly to look, it’s gone.

“What is it?” Jesse murmurs, nuzzling Gabriel’s cheek.

“Nothing.” Gabriel whispers in reply, capturing the younger man’s lips again. There’s a steady fire building between them, the soft rub of Jesse’s tongue against his own is slowly driving him mad. Jesse’s fingers skirts down his neck and over his chest, trailing lower and lower. Gabriel is faintly aware that he is going dangerously low now, but the words for telling him to stop only burns on the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t _want_ him to stop.

The choice yet again isn’t his as the rhythmic clicking of heels signals Angela is on her way back.  
They scramble to adjust themselves back to decency, Jesse tilting his hips to the side under the covers, away from the door. Gabriel’s never been more thankful for his baggy military issued uniform pants than at the exact moment Angela decides to appear. Proof of their little make-out session would have been way too apparent in any other type of pants.

“Did you leave the door open, Gabriel?” Angela asks, her voice mildly accusing. “Don’t want Jesse to freeze in here, he’s still recovering you know.”

He’s pretty sure he didn’t leave the door open, but then again he hasn’t exactly been able to properly think for the past few hours.

“Sorry.” he says sheepishly, hoping his smile can placate her. She looks tired, but she smiles in return, brushing past him to put down a bowl of soup for Jesse.

“Eat up, Jesse. You’re going to need all the strength you can get.” she says smiling. Gabriel takes this as his cue to leave, nodding to both Angela and Jesse from the doorway.

“Get well, Agent McCree.” he says.

“I will, Commander.” Jesse replies. Gabriel’s heart skips a beat at the coy smile Jesse sends him when Angela isn’t looking.

The hallways outside of the med bay is deserted and Gabriel leans heavily with his back against the wall. He was fucked. Totally and utterly fucked. And a part of him _loved it_.  
He slinks away back to his own quarters, locking the door and turning off his com as he lets his hands wander and his mind relish in the images of a soft and willing Jesse McCree. He comes with a whisper of the other’s name on his lips and a realisation that soon, he would have even _more_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Please consider leaving kudos/comments if you enjoyed my writing<3
> 
> I'm on Twitter where I am horny on main and retweet horny stuff like my life depends on it: https://twitter.com/AngryByDefault


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